How to Spot an Abuser: Clue #10 Blaming

Being subjected to abusive behavior is a painful, confusing experience for many reasons. According to Michael Steiner, Community Mental Health Counselor at Evolution Counseling, the trick most abusers pull is to shift the blame for the abusive situation onto their victims and simultaneously paint themselves as the true victims who are suffering cruel, unfair attacks at the hands of the very people they are abusing.

This strategy really comes into play when victims don’t just meekly accept abusive words and actions but instead stand up and fight back, this reveals the invisible conflict that’s been building under the surface. 'Normal' people, when called out for destructive words or actions, usually feel compelled to defend what they’ve said or done if they believe there’s a misunderstanding. Or they to try to make amends if they believe there’s not.

Not abusers. They don’t go on the defensive, they go on the offensive. They turn the tables by quickly moving the conversation away from what they’ve said or done to focus instead on the abusive, hurtful nature of their victims’ complaint and the rotten natures of their victims in general!

If you or someone you know is in need of crisis and counseling services, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Hotline advocates are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year to provide confidential crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

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Here's to your happiness, healthy, safety and peace. Jackie