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How to Spot an Abuser: Clue #8 Unpredictable Mood Swings

Research shows that the mood swings of an abusive individual can be staggering. For instance, they can go from pleasant and romantic to total rage in a matter of seconds. I have seen this first hand. This extremely unpredictable behavior is typically aimed at a partner they are trying to make submissive so they won’t be challenged.

Picture this scenario as an example. Your partner surprises you after work with a bouquet of flowers and he tells you he’s made reservations at your favorite restaurant. The gesture couldn’t be nicer, but when you inform him that you have a prior commitment with your best friend he becomes angry and insulting.

Seconds later, he swears he was only joking and he says he loves you more than life itself. These reactions are not your fault, nor are they normal components of a healthy relationship. They’re indications you’re entering dangerous territory in your relationship and you need to evaluate whether to continue seeing him, according to the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness.

In my book, Urge Overkill: A Story of Breaking Free, I finally broke out of an abusive relationship and moved across the country when it was over. My ex called me the next day. And the next. And the next.

During that time, in any given conversation his emotions were all over the place. In one conversation he offered to buy me my dream house along the local river where they could raise their unborn children together. When I reiterated it was over, he got angry then cried. It was like a mood pendulum swinging from one extreme to the other. Unfortunately, it was characteristic of our two year relationship. I was relieved that it had finally ended.

If this sounds familiar, know you are not alone. DV affects one in four women in the US.

Reach out to The National Hotline for Domestic Violence for help: Know that our advocates are here to support you every step of the way with a sympathetic hear and zero judgment. They are available 24/7/365 and interactions are completely free and confidential.

May you be happy, healthy, safe and at peace.

For more info on the red flags of unhealthy relationships and the green flags of healthy ones visit me here:

Please leave a comment below or connect! I’d love to hear from you.

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