How to Spot an Abuser: Clue #9 Low Frustration Tolerance

Have you ever had an abusive partner? That is someone who has used degrading and demeaning language, withheld affection or financial help in order to punish you, hit you, shoved you, punched you, kicked you, or consistently yelled at you?

And after being involved with that abuser, did you ask yourself if there were signs you missed that would have helped you detect their abusive tendencies earlier on?

If you answered yes, it is best to put your sleuth skills to work before stepping into an new relationship. When you meet someone be on the look out for the tell tale sign of low frustration tolerance.

People who are abusive have an extra hard time managing stress and frustration. In the face of stressful situations, they get demanding, unyielding, controlling and very angry. These characteristics make them more likely to lash out.

When I was with my abusive ex, it was during his times of frustration, aka when I was around other men in social situations and if he was drunk, that he most likely to lose control. It became a pattern. One we all want to avoid.

Notice if your date/ significant other is unable to manage moderately difficult situations without being highly frustrated and without demanding that other people make these situations disappear for them, it is a very bad sign.

For example, observe how they manages stressful situations at work and whether they become obsessive and unnecessarily frustrated with tasks and unresolved issues with other people. Asking them questions about their past can be a good predictor of what they will be like in the future. If they are unfair with others, do not excuse them just because they cater to you. It may not last.

If you or someone you know is in need of crisis and counseling services, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Hotline advocates are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year to provide confidential crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

Have an experience of your own to share? Please comment below.

You are not alone. I stand with you.