How to Spot an Abuser: Clue #7 Selective Raging

In my book, Urge Overkill: A Story of Breaking Free, this clue took me awhile to get my mind around. A real long time, as in 20 some years. Selective raging is an excuse that doesn’t hold water.

Of course, there is no justification for any kind of domestic violence. This factoid came from the National Network to End Domestic Violence at https://nnedv.org/.

Remembering back to one of the worst nights of my life, was when the realization of this clue hit me. There was an incident when my alcoholic, ex got drunk and attacked me. We were winding down a party with friends at our place. Note, all our friends were either gone or passed out when it happened.

His excuse? “I was out of control because I was drunk. I’m not really that kind of man.” But here’s the clincher. If he was really out of control, like that action was some crime of anger or passion, then, why, oh why, did this and all of his other abusive incidents only happen when we were alone?

Because he was a manipulative abuser, that’s why. The fact was, that he could and did control himself when other people were around. He knew what he was doing. Wow.

Unfortunately, the therapist we saw right after the above mentioned incident took place, backed my ex up. The therapist said something simplistic like this to my ex: “If your an asshole when you drink but not when you don’t, then it’s the alcohol. It’s not you.”

So he quit drinking for a year but his mean streak eventually crept back in. The alcohol didn’t help but it wasn’t just that. It was him. He was that type of man. Let my hindsight be a foresight to others.

If you or someone you know is in a similar situation, help is available by contacting the National Hotline for Domestic Violence here: http://www.thehotline.org/

Please leave a comment below or connect! I’d love to hear from you. May you be happy, healthy, safe and at peace.

For more info on the red flags of unhealthy relationships and the green flags of healthy ones visit me here: https://theyogascribe.wixsite.com/mysite