How to Spot an Abuser- Clue #1 Name Calling

If you read my book Urge Overkill: A Story of Breaking Free, you'd know that I felt totally and completely caught off guard by my ex boyfriend. I often likened his transition from nice guy to Satan's Span to be like that of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

I really didn't see the red flags of their relationship for quite awhile. They were subtle and crept in slowly. Upon closer inspection there were warnings.

Domestic violence comes in all sizes and shapes, because every relationship is different. If you have a feeling that you or a loved one may be in an abusive relationship, here is a domestic violence warning sign to watch for.

Here's one the first warning signs I noticed, but it did not surface for six months into the relationship. It came out during fights. Watch out if your partner is calling you names while fighting or at any time.

When my ex moved out west to be with me, this sign reared it's ugly head. During a fight in which he was questioning my loyalty, out sprang the most horrific string of curses and name calling I'd heard to date. And I was no wilting flower.

These came at me at a high volume in close proximity and ended with me laying on the floor in a fetal position. It hit me so hard I wrote them all down. Later I showed them to him so he could see how horrible he had been. Did it stop there?

No. This was the beginning of our relationship's slow descent into hell. Take it from me, don't wait. Get out while you can! Abusers behavior often cycles in a downward spiral of every worsening lows.

For crisis and counseling services, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Hotline advocates are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year to provide confidential crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.